4 weeks ago today.....

I cannot believe it has been 4 weeks since little man made his grand entrance into the world! I was holding him this morning at his 3 AM feeding and I was thinking back to what I was doing the day we had him.  I woke up that morning at 5:00 AM, way before Jeff, I got a shower and then started sanitizing bottles, my pump, washing sheets for the nursery, etc...... now that I think back on it I wonder if I had one day of "nesting." Jeff came home for lunch and as he was headed back to the office I called and told him to come back we were going to the doctor and hopefully having our baby!The last four weeks have been some of the hardest but best days of my life. When I married Jeff I knew I loved him, but when I saw him holding our sweet son I fell in love with him all over again. He has been an amazing support for me. Since I had complications with the c- section I had a little longer to recover and Jeff stepped up and did most of the nightly feedings and changes so that my body could rest. I am still so amazed at the man Father gifted to me, I am so undeserving of such a loving, servant minded man. 

When I was feeding Tripp this morning he had his little hand wrapped around my fingers and I could not help but think of Mary. God sent his only son and she was chosen to be his earthly mother. I wonder what it was like for her holding a child that was actually perfect. I wonder if he wrapped his little fingers around hers as she feed him and I wonder what songs she sang to him. I could not imagine the heart ache she went through as his earthly mother when she saw him on the cross and to know that it was also for her sins that he was there. I weep when I think about how much Christ has done for me and I do not deserve any of it. 

Every morning after Jeff goes to work Tripp and I pray, well I do the praying while he sleeps :) I pray constantly that God would make Tripp one of his children. I know there is nothing I can do to make him become a believer and that is so scary to me. I pray that he grows to be a man strong in his faith and that he shares the gospel with boldness. I have prayed that wherever God has him in the future, if it's down the road from us raising godly children or in a country that hates and kills Christians, that I would remember he was a gift and belongs to God. Being a mother in these few short weeks has rocked my world. I am so in love with our baby! To God be the glory!

June 24, 2014

June 24th our crazy pregnancy journey came to an end! We went to the doctor around 1:00 and she said I had progressed a lot more from the day before and was still having contractions. She told us to wait about an hour and head over to the hospital to prep for our c- section. At that time I was not freaking out at all.... Jeff on the other hand was starting to. When we got to check in we saw my favorite nurse, Christi and found out she was working. I cried a little knowing that she was there the night we went into labor at 22 weeks and she had been such a big prayer warrior for us throughout this process. She was getting to see this long journey end and be apart of it! My parents, brother, sister-in-law, and Jeff's parents came up to see us before the birth. Joseph and Kristen prayed with us and then sent our parents in. Before Tripp birth we all prayed (including my amazing nurse) for Tripp to be healthy, for me to be healthy, for the doctors and nurses, but most importantly we prayed for Tripp's salvation. I know I have no choice in my sons salvation and that all Jeff and I can do is live out a life for Christ before him. However, we all prayed and continue to pray God chooses to adopt him.  

The time came to take me into the operating room and I got really scared. I remember telling Jeff I was not sure I was ready, but he reminded me God is sovereign and he has been so good to us throughout this process. Christi stayed past her shift to take care of little man after he was born and she also supported me through my epidural, which I might add after the 4th stick I was not loving the doctor so much. Dr. Pitcher came in and held my hand while the nurses got me ready and then it was show time! I kept asking Dr. Pitcher if I was numb over and over. I guess by this point she knew me well enough to not tell me she had started. She laughed and said "I'm breaking your bag of water so you tell me if your numb!" At that point my nerves calmed and I just laid there waiting to see little man. When he came Dr. Pitcher yelled out "oh my goodness he's beautiful!" and then she showed him to me real fast before they took our sweet son away! I could not wait to get my hands on him. I thought I would be holding him within 30 minutes, but God was about to teach me another lesson in trusting him.

After they got him cleaned up Jeff came and sat beside me and held him. I remember thinking it had to have been longer than 30 minutes, which is how long they said it would take to get me sown up. I asked Jeff how long it had been and he said he was not sure. I finally managed to find the clock to realize I had been laying there for 2 hours. A few minutes later I heard one of the doctors say 74/48 which now I know was my blood pressure, and hanging a glass bottle of weird looking fluid. Dr. Pitcher calmly told me she had been trying to stop bleeding for 2 hours but she couldn't keep playing around with it she would have to cut my left Fallopian tube. I had fear come over me like never before and I thought I am never going to hold my baby... I am going to bleed out and never hold my child. Then Father softly reminded me of the phrase I had been repeating to myself for 14 weeks..... "Fear Not." They finally finished up and took me to recovery.

When they handed me Tripp for the first time I had a flood of emotions come over me like never before. This was MY son! I had read scripture to him, prayed over him, cried for fear of losing him, but now he was in my arms. I begin to realize how much I loved this little baby, but Fathers love is so much more and that overwhelmed my heart! Once everyone left Jeff and I had a few minutes alone and we got the pray over little man and thank Father for the gift he has placed in our arms. We are so in love with this gift from Father. The journey has not been easy, but Father has been so faithful! I cannot wait to see what's in store for little mans life. To God be the glory, great things he has done!

36 weeks!! Not to much longer now!

Today we are 36 weeks!!! We went to the doctor this past Friday and she began to tear up when she walked in the room. We are only her second patient who has ever made it this long after going into pre-term labor. She said the fact are we had less than a 15% chance of seeng our sweet sons face!! Can I just tell you I had to fight back the worship that wanted to break out of me at that moment. I have so many friends who have been where we were, or earlier in their pregnancy that do not have a child to hold and it breaks my heart. It also makes me even that much more grateful that in God's sovereignty he chose to allow us to keep our baby. However, in all those heart breaking situations God's goodness is no any less, it is the same. He gives and he takes away, but he is still soooooooo GOOD to his children. I am really praying that over the next few weeks our doctor will see how awesome Father is and I am praying for opportunity's to share the gospel with her! 

This past weekend was a little busy for us, while I am still on "rest" I do have the freedom to ride in my car, which has allowed me to see my family! On Saturday my mom and dads side of the family threw us a baby shower! It was so good to see so many of the people I have missed! We got loaded down this weekend too! I don't think Tripp will need clothes or diapers for quit some time! We have one more shower this Saturday and I am hoping he will hold off coming long enough to enjoy time with my mother-in-laws family! Jeff and I have been so blessed with so many people who love us and our little boy!

Before I go I will share some of Tripp's developments for this week:

• This week he should be around 6 pounds (He's already 6.5 so he's got that number beat!)
• He is shedding most of the downy covering of hair that has covered his body, as well as the vernix caseosa
• By the end of this week he will be considered "early term."
• He will cause Braxton Hicks contractions to become stronger and more frequent as he beings to move further down in my pelvis.

35 weeks down!

We made it to 35 weeks!! I am so excited because now there is nothing the doctor would do to try to postpone labor at this point! We went to the doctor this past Friday for our weekly check up. Tripp is weighing in at 5 pounds 9 oz and is still measuring about a week and half larger than he should. When we talked to our doctor about the delivery she told us there must have been a mix up at the hospital with due date and the scheduled c-section. Our due date is actually July 20th, not the 23rd like we were being told. Since she likes to do c-sections a week early we are now scheduled for July 16th..... just waiting on a time from our doctor! It's crazy to believe that 4 weeks from today I will be holding my sweet baby boy! I am nervous but also very excited! 

Since we have been home and I have a little more "rest freedoms" we have been working to get the nursery ready! My parents bought us our nursery furniture and it came in last Thursday. Jeff and his dad worked several hours to get it put together and we love it! We have curtains hung and Jeff got me some craft supplies so I can work on some projects for the walls. I think seeing all of the stuff in the nursery is starting to make all of this seem real! Jeff has also been putting all of our gifts together. It's so sweet to see how excited he gets over every item he puts together. Last night he tackled the pack-n-play! Who knew a pack-n-play could be so complicated but he did it.

I was so excited that since I have a little more freedom I got to see my dad and my family yesterday on Father's Day! It has been over 3 months since I have seen some of them....I think that's the longest I have ever gone without seeing my extended family! We also got to have homemade ice cream with Jeff's family which Tripp enjoyed very much! It's funny when I eat something I guess he likes he flips and kicks around a lot more than normal! I think I am going to have a sweet tooth monster on my hands.

Before I go here's a list of this weeks development: 

• Tripp should be weighing in at roughly 5 pounds.... he's got that one beat!
• His kidneys are fully developed!
• His liver has now begun to process some waste, even though they are not fully developed just yet.
• Most of his physical development is complete a this point, now he will start packing on the pounds until his birth (although I hope he doesn't pack on to many more :) 
• His reflexes are now coordinated.

It still just amazes me at how much detail God puts into every life! To Him be the glory!

34 weeks down..... 6 more to go!!

We have made it to the "big week," 34 weeks!! When we went into the hospital at 22 weeks in labor the doctor said if we could just hold on until this point we should have a healthy baby. Well, not only has God allowed us to "hold on," but he is still allowing us to hold. After spending 13 weeks on very strict bed rest I am so happy to be home. Even though I have to take it easy until our sweet baby comes just being in my own space the last few days has been nice. Now my "directing" is in full swing on trying to get the nursery and house ready! 

As I was thinking back over the last 34 weeks, I fondly remembered the first time we heard Tripp's little heart beat and how sweet that moment was for Jeff and I. We had so much excitement and joy of the hope of a child coming into the world! We have waited with so much anticipation feeling like it was going to take forever to see our boy! As I was reading in Revelations I came to a verse that made me think of the sweet sound of our Savior "I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting: Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!" Revelations 19:6-7 As a Christian we have to future hope of worship and singing to our Creator.... I hope we can always rejoice in that future hope! I pray that as I am about to enter into what will probably be one of the hardest and best things in life, I will remember to anticipate my future hope!! 

Before I go I will share some 34 week development facts:

• Tripp is approximately 18 inches long and weighs about 5.25 pounds, we are hoping they will tell us Friday how much he actually does weigh since it's been almost 6 weeks since he has been weighed.
• Tripp now has an excellent chance of survival outside the womb, somewhere around 97%.
• Fat accumulations begins to plump up the arms and legs this week.
• His eyes open when awake and are closed when sleeping.

33 weeks!!

I'm a little late on my weekly update, but we have made it to 33 weeks!! One of my nurses this morning told me they are all amazed we made it to this point. She said she goes home a lot at night and thinks about how we came in at 22 weeks with very little hope, but now we could have a healthy delivery. She is not a believer so she does not understand what my God is capable of, however he reminds Jeff and I everyday! While I was doing my bible study this morning I really spent some time in reflection over every event that happens to a baby while it's developing in the womb. I cannot wrap my little human mind around all of the details God puts into his creation. I never imaged at 2 1/2 months married I would find out I was pregnant, but I am learning to trust that God is in control over the womb. I read a fact that said you only have a 5-10% chance of conceiving each time you try so for us to have a baby when I had very little to no chance is a miracle and shows the power of the God we serve!! Now I just want to get my little man here so I can love on him and tell him about all that God has done.

We are on a countdown to going home! The original plan was June 11th, but my doctor feels safe sending me home on Saturday.... I cannot tell you how excited Jeff and I both are. I still have to rest, but I have a few freedoms that I have not had for 12 weeks! It is crazy to think that the next time we come to the hospital we will be leaving with our son! One of the biggest words to describe what I am feeling about bringing our son home is fear. I really want to be a good wife and mother, but I have no clue about taking care of a new born. So, today I looked up the word fear and the command of "fear not" is in the bible 365 times. God knew we were going to need a daily reminder to fear not, this mama may need it more! I know God's grace will be sufficient for this process and I am trusting he will meet our needs through this process of parenthood!

Before I go here are a few developmental fact about Tripp this week:

• Tripp will start gaining an average of 1/2 pound per week.
• Tripp should grow a full inch in length in this week alone.
• Because of the babies size this week my amniotic fluid levels are maxed out, which mean his kicks and punches will become extremely uncomfortable.
• This week important antibodies are being passed from me to Tripp which is helping to develop his immune system.

Be Still My Soul

"I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time forth and forever!" Psalm 131:2-3 As I was reading these verses, I also read Catherine Larson's view of what these verses meant to her when she was facing losing her second son. It has brought me so much encouragement! 

"The picture in this psalm of a weaned child resting on his mother is the picture

of one who knows that his needs will be met, who knows the heart of the one

caring for him, and who can wait in faith. Our souls are calmed and quieted   

when we remember God's promise-- that He works all things together for the 

good of those who love him (Romans 8:28); that He will never leave us nor   

forsake us (Hebrews 13:5); and that though others can be faithless; He cannot

  (2Timothy 2:13.) When we look back and see His faithfulness, we are reminded

that we can look forward and trust His coming grace."

Thinking back over the last 10 weeks, these have been some of the hardest and scariest days of my life! Jeff and I talked (many times through tears) about trusting Father even when it was hard. When I had moments to myself I would sing a part of the song "Blessed be Your Name." I can recall some of words that really spoke to my soul "When I walk through the wilderness blessed be Your Name, you give and take away, but my heart will chose to say blessed be the name of the Lord." As Jeff and I have quieted our souls, we have said if God allows us a lifetime with our son or if he chooses to take him home, He is good, He is in control, and He is trustworthy. While thankfully we are still carrying our sweet baby boy I will be forever grateful for the lessons Father is teaching me during a tough time in life. I am learning to fully trust that in every situation He does good for his children. Now that we are almost out of the "danger zone" I am so excited to meet our son and to tell him throughout his life of the goodness and faithfulness of Father! To him be the glory!