Be Still My Soul

"I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time forth and forever!" Psalm 131:2-3 As I was reading these verses, I also read Catherine Larson's view of what these verses meant to her when she was facing losing her second son. It has brought me so much encouragement! 

"The picture in this psalm of a weaned child resting on his mother is the picture

of one who knows that his needs will be met, who knows the heart of the one

caring for him, and who can wait in faith. Our souls are calmed and quieted   

when we remember God's promise-- that He works all things together for the 

good of those who love him (Romans 8:28); that He will never leave us nor   

forsake us (Hebrews 13:5); and that though others can be faithless; He cannot

  (2Timothy 2:13.) When we look back and see His faithfulness, we are reminded

that we can look forward and trust His coming grace."

Thinking back over the last 10 weeks, these have been some of the hardest and scariest days of my life! Jeff and I talked (many times through tears) about trusting Father even when it was hard. When I had moments to myself I would sing a part of the song "Blessed be Your Name." I can recall some of words that really spoke to my soul "When I walk through the wilderness blessed be Your Name, you give and take away, but my heart will chose to say blessed be the name of the Lord." As Jeff and I have quieted our souls, we have said if God allows us a lifetime with our son or if he chooses to take him home, He is good, He is in control, and He is trustworthy. While thankfully we are still carrying our sweet baby boy I will be forever grateful for the lessons Father is teaching me during a tough time in life. I am learning to fully trust that in every situation He does good for his children. Now that we are almost out of the "danger zone" I am so excited to meet our son and to tell him throughout his life of the goodness and faithfulness of Father! To him be the glory!

32 weeks down!!!

I cannot believe we made it to 32 weeks!!! God has been so good to us! To think just 10 weeks ago they told us Tripp was coming and he would not live, to now being told if he came this week he would just need a little oxygen and maybe a feeding tube for five to seven days. I am just so blown away by all of the miracles God has and keeps doing in my sweet little mans life. We have not really received any updates from the doctor so I am just counting down the days until June 11th so that I can go back to my bed at home. I know Jeff will be happy when we will be in our home together again. He has been such an amazing support through out all of this. The things he has had to do for me and the endless encouragement has just reminded me of how blessed I am that God gave me him as my husband! I know when Tripp gets here he will be an amazing father and a great leader for our family!

As far as development goes I have been STARVING the last few days and Tripp is still developing into a strong little man. The nurses are telling us he will probably have hair and a great set of lungs because of all the steroid shots he has been given. Jeff and I were joking he is going to come out talking and asking for milk since they have "beefed" him up so much. I just cannot believe in eight weeks (or less) I am going to be holding my son! I have always loved babies and children even at a young age I would "help" my mom in the nursery at church because I wanted to hold the sweet babies, but this one is mine!! While I get more and more afraid as the day approached I believe God has been preparing me for this for a long time! I know he knows each of his children's heart inside and out and he knows I have looked forward to the day I was a mommy for a long time. I am so thankful he has allowed this to happen in my life!

Before I go I will share Tripp's development achievements this week:

• Tripp should be weighing in at 4 pounds this week! I am eager for another ultrasound, I think he might be closer to 5!
• His skin is no longer see through and he will being accumulating fat from this point on.
• His toenail and finger nails are fully formed and growing.
• He should be "sleeping" most of the day, they don't know my son though he never stops moving!
• Although his lungs are not yet fully formed he is practicing how to breath for him life outside the womb.
• He is beginning to absorb vital nutrients he need for his intestinal tract.

May 21, 2014

I feel like sometime we are on a non- stop roller coaster with this pregnancy! On Monday my mom came down and spent the day with me. While she was here my OB came by and told us she felt we would be leaving the hospital by 36 weeks with our baby! My mom and I both got excited! For me I cannot wait to meet my son and my mom cannot wait to hold a grand-baby! It really lifted my "spirits" to see the end near. Then on Tuesday we were told we would go home once he measured 5 pounds on the ultrasound..... which translated to we may not be leaving with a baby! I was really starting to get down, but like Father always does he snapped me back into perspective. Jeff and I talk a lot about how good Father has been in our life and throughout this pregnancy. To think just 9 1/2 weeks ago we could have been facing a funeral to now having the nurses giving me a packing list of what we need to take home our son! I know I should never complain about these circumstances, but just be thankful for God's goodness. Our newest update as of today is I will be released on June 11 to go home and just take it easy until baby comes!

One of the things I have come to love during my down time is reading. I have never been much of a reader until now. I have about three different books I am jumping between that are about being a godly wife and mother. There has been a lot of good knowledge I have been able to gain from these books. One of the books has really challenged me to just stop and look at the amazing thing God has done in allowing me to become pregnant. A few of the questions I have been thinking over have been the following:

• Have I seen this gift of life as part of the unfolding story of the mercy and faithfulness of God?
• Have I seen this new life as perhaps part of the new story of what God is doing in the world?
• Have I rejoiced in this news as representing something bigger than just me and my personal happiness?

As I think and work through all of these questions please pray that I will be a wife and mother who displays the gospel to my son and to the lost around me! I can never be perfect, but I am earnestly praying that my life and actions in taking care of my family would point other to Christ! To God be the glory!

31 weeks tomorrow and back to our second home.... Kennestone!

Well Jeff and I got to spend nine wonderful nights at home before coming back to our second home, Kennestone Hospital. On Thursday I started having some really bad back and leg pain. I called the doctor on call and she told me to go to the ER. They were thinking maybe I had a blood clot from laying so long in the bed. As a side bar, if you ever need some free entertainment go to the Kennestone ER I wouldn't recommend for small children though! Okay back to life! I got my legs checked out and they were clot free so they sent me home. Jeff left for work Friday morning and I had not slept much the night before because I was so uncomfortable. I got up to take a shower and felt labor pains like I did at 22 weeks. So, I called Jeff and the doctor and back to the hospital we went. When I got there the nurse said she thought I might be in pre-term labor again so they gave me two shots plus a pill like they did at 22 weeks to try to stop my contractions, they were coming about 3 minutes apart. My OB came by about 3 hours later and I was still having pretty good contractions 5 minutes and apart and I am 70% effaced. She could also tell my stomach had dropped and she could feel his head was really low. They made the decision to put me in L&D and to start magnesium and run some test. It was later discovered I have a pretty bad bladder infection and this is probably the reason for my pre-term labor. My OB is telling us I have 30% more to thin before Tripp breaks my water and he makes his grand appearance into the world. We are praying for just 8 more days (or longer) which would put him at 32 weeks. At this point he should be able to eat and breath with only oxygen in his nose according to doctors. However, I am always skeptical of what they say because I know Father has proven his plans over theirs time and time again! I am at perfect peace with Father's plans and I know he is working for his good and glory! While you are praying please keep my sweet husband in your prayers! He is getting up about every two hours to help me. Since I am on magnesium I am pretty much numb from the abs down so he is having to do a lot for me and he does it all with no complaining... who knew the "for worse" part of our vows would be learned in our first year of marriage! I am so thankful that he is such an amazing man who loves me as God commanded and already loves his son so much!! I cannot wait to see these two together soon! 

Tripp is starting to get a little sleep pattern going. He usually wakes me up around 6:00 AM with some kicking... I guess he wants his Special K cereal, because not to long after I eat he clams down until around 11:00 then he kicks around until after lunch. I have never been a big napper during the day, but for the last few weeks I have a 2:00- 3:30 nap which I have gotten very use to. Then I get woken up with another kick and he stays pretty active until around 9:30 at night. Hopefully he will stay close to his "in womb" schedule when he comes :)

Before I go I will share some development facts for 31 weeks:

• Tripp should be at 3.5 pounds tomorrow... we know he has had that weight beat for almost two weeks!
• His lungs and digestive tracts are close to being fully mature.
• Almost all of Tripp's major organs are fully functioning, now the organs will focus on maturing for life outside the womb.
• Tripps muscles and body fat are continuing to form.
• His eyes now open and shut and the irises are responsive to light, they now dilate and constrict like they are suppose to. 
• Studies have shown that babies at this stage in the womb love music and can move to a rhythm. I find this to be very true! Every time I turn music on Tripp start moving to the music! 

I think this has been my favorite part of our pregnancy so far. I love that I can poke at him or sing to him and he responds! It's also the sweetest thing in the world when Jeff talks to him and he will kick to let him know he hears his Father's voice. I cannot help but imagine how Father feels when he sees his children! When we respond to his love and his calling in our life. When we have those sweet moments with our heavenly Father where he "pokes" our heart or speaks and we respond knowing our Father's voice! To God be the glory!

30 weeks and my first Mother's Day

Yesterday was my first Mother's Day..... I cried some yesterday morning thinking about the fact that in 10 weeks (or less) I will be holding a tiny (or not so tiny) life in my arms. I am scared to death! While thinking about Mother's Day I couldn't help but have a sadness in my heart as well. I mourn for my family and friends who are mothers, but because of the loss of the pregnancy have no child to hold. I also mourn for those that are longing to experience pregnancy or adoption, but because of God's sovereignty it has not happened yet. I do not understand why God gives and takes away, but one thing I do have full assurance of is that God is good in ALL things and he gives good to his children. His glory will shine in ALL things and his sovereign will is done in ALL things. I cannot stop praising Father for allowing me to have this child when doctors told me I never would experience pregnancy and for sparing my sons life at 22 weeks when the doctor were trying to prepare us for losing him. Every time he kicks me I am reminded of God's goodness and that he is the ultimate giver of life! I am reminded that he is allowing me to have the big responsibility of raising a child, while I know I will be far from perfect at it, I hope my weak human attempts will bring glory to Father! I am still so amazed we are at 30 weeks!!! When I had my cervical check on Wednesday it was the thickest it has been! The doctors are amazed, but they have learned to stop saying they do not understand why this is happening. I'm not sure if they disagree with my response or if they are starting to believe me when I say "God is big and he is doing this!" 

While in the hospital this past month I was able to talk with two nurses who are from a country who hates Christianity. One of them asked one morning if I enjoyed reading my Bible, she must have seen it sitting out. This lead to a conversation about my faith. I asked her how long she had been in our country and if she knew who God was. She joyfully responded back with a bold YES and she let me know the other nurse that was from her country was a believer as well. She told me about a group of people from her country who meet in a home to have "church" each week. There are 30 so far who are now believers and she is praying more are converted to Christianity! She began to look sad and explained to me that her heart broke for America. She said we do not understand a lot of the times what it truly means to be a Christian. She said if she were in her country she would die, but here we can freely worship our Father and we do not. She defiantly challenged me to become more bold with sharing my faith with others. These two ladies will always hold a special place in my heart for the time and care they gave to me and my son! I thank Father for their encouragement on days when being in bed got me down and for reminding me I was carrying a miracle!

Before I go I will share some of Tripp's big milestones this week:

• Tripp should be roughly 15.7 inches long and weigh almost 3 pounds. (He had that beat last week he was 3 pounds 7 oz.!) At this point they have not been able to tell us how long he s because he is never still enough for them to get it!
• He has a pint and a half of amniotic fluid around him, but that begins to decrease this week.
• He can respond to light however from now until a few weeks after birth his vision will be 20/400 and he will only be able to make out objects a few inches from his face.
• Tripp's brain is still growing larger and larger everyday in order to prepare for life outside the womb. His brain from this point on will begin looking more and more like a brain.
• His body is learning how to adjust to different temperatures.
• Tripp is starting to shed his lanugo hair, which is the soft body hair that has been keeping him warm.

Thank you Father for all the little details you put into each creation! To God be the glory!

29 weeks down 11 more to go!!

Yesterday marked 29 weeks for baby Tripp, that is 7 weeks further than doctors thought we would ever be! God has shown Jeff and I his sovereignty over and over again through this process. Jeff and I talked Sunday about how at this point if Tripp came we would probably be carrying a baby home within a few weeks and how blessed we were for that! There are ladies around me that come and go and it breaks my heart! Some of them have babies in the NICU and some come in with a child and leave without one! I just cannot thank Father enough that he has spared little Tripp's life to this point! I cannot imagine the pain a woman feels at losing a baby at any point and I am so thankful God has spared me of this so far! This week we are having another protein test and they will be checking my cervical length again to see if it is still where it was or if it shrinking. If everything is stable the original plan was to let me go home Thursday. However, I have been having around 6-8 contractions an hour so I may be here until 34 weeks. I was all about natural child birth until these contractions started coming more often and more intense now I am thankful for scheduled c-sections :) 

Jeff and my father-in-law have been working hard on the nursery. Jeff officially has everything moved out of the room and the accent wall painted. All that is left now is touching up the other three walls. My father-in-law is building a train track that is going around the ceiling and Jeff's train from when he was little will run on the tracks! I have not gotten to see this in person, but the pictures look awesome! My mom and dad are sanding and repainting the baby bed I used when I was a baby and my mom is getting my glider ready! I cannot believe in 11 weeks we will be bringing a little one home! I tear up every time I see a baby or think about ours.... I think the pregnancy hormones have kicked in overtime! 

Before I go I will share this weeks major developments in little peanuts life!

• Tripp should now be weighing in at 2.5 pounds (he had that beat almost 2 weeks ago!)
• His brain is very busy this week forming billions of neurons.
• He can taste everything I eat and he can also respond to pain.
• He has milk teeth forming under his gums! 
• His eyes can now move within his eye socket.
• Tripp can hear things a lot better now and can distinguish between voices and noises! That mean my little sweet one knows his mommies voice!!

Not much longer now until I hold this sweet gift from Father in my arms! To God be the glory!